I've been going through my old posts and experiencing an odd mix of amusement and discomfort. My beliefs haven't changed much but the way I express myself has, so I'm starting over. The old posts are still there but now they're private. This seems like the best way to maintain a timeline to refer back to while giving myself a fresh start. Besides, so much has happened in the decade (+) since I've used this blog that I feel like I'm a different person in many ways. I've had two jobs, two of my children graduated high school and one graduated from a post-high school program and started college classes, I've had multiple issues with my depression...it's been a lot. Thankfully, a mix of the right meds, some minor self-care and a few weeks of therapy have truly helped. Now all I need is some time off (which I haven't had since I went back to work in 2016) and I can foresee a time in which I might just be okay again.
Or, whatever passes for okay with me. Right now that feels like more patience when interacting with my fellow humans, not wanting to step in front of a speeding bus and a renewed interest in all things Pagan and Witchcraft. This last bit is how I know I'm actually emerging from the pit. I'm tending my altar, reading/researching and studying, doing small rituals and renewing my divination skills. Feeling like my inner Practitioner is still alive, well and ready to exchange energy with the universe again. My desire to write has also returned. Over the next few months I want to start posting about some of the new things I've learned and share some of the books and tools that I've picked up on this part of my journey.
One thing I've learned is that the small victories are everything. Getting to work on time. Getting through the work day. Cleaning off my altar. Taking the time to pray or meditate. Finally caring enough to get medical testing done I've been putting off for years. Reconnecting with the Tarot. It's truly amazing, the difference these small acts of reconnection with my health and my practice make in my life. I'm actually in a good place right now. It's been quite awhile since I've felt this grounded and I'm grateful.
Or, whatever passes for okay with me. Right now that feels like more patience when interacting with my fellow humans, not wanting to step in front of a speeding bus and a renewed interest in all things Pagan and Witchcraft. This last bit is how I know I'm actually emerging from the pit. I'm tending my altar, reading/researching and studying, doing small rituals and renewing my divination skills. Feeling like my inner Practitioner is still alive, well and ready to exchange energy with the universe again. My desire to write has also returned. Over the next few months I want to start posting about some of the new things I've learned and share some of the books and tools that I've picked up on this part of my journey.
One thing I've learned is that the small victories are everything. Getting to work on time. Getting through the work day. Cleaning off my altar. Taking the time to pray or meditate. Finally caring enough to get medical testing done I've been putting off for years. Reconnecting with the Tarot. It's truly amazing, the difference these small acts of reconnection with my health and my practice make in my life. I'm actually in a good place right now. It's been quite awhile since I've felt this grounded and I'm grateful.
